I took him at his word but a year on, they’re not divorced yet (or even close) and twice he’s said that he’s crazy about me but that he thinks he should give his marriage another shot. If you were with a separated person who was ready to move on, he wouldn’t be trying to reconcile with his wife!
He then claims they’re working at things but keeps calling me. In your case, it’s a bit like a violation of the trade description act.
He was charming, appeared to share the same interests, and you seemed to have similar backgrounds. He just left out the rather hefty problem of the fact that he’s not actually single.
He’s married, separated, and in spite of the fact that the divorce was supposed to be definite, it’s not so definite that he can’t park you in limbo land whilst he asks for some ‘time out’ to go back to his wife to work on things.
You’re with that very non committal Mr Unavailable – can’t commit to being with you, can’t commit to not being with you, and can’t commit to an outcome. He’s keeping you on ice and should he ever see fit to leave his wife, he wants the assurance that there is someone else out there pining for him and believing in a future with him. You should never allow yourself to be regarded as someone’s ‘option’.
Renee asks: I got talking to this really lovely guy at work event just over a year ago.
We connected I think because we like a lot of the same things, similar backgrounds, and I definitely felt a connection between us and when he asked me for my number at the end of the night, I thought nothing of giving it to him.
We went on several dates and it was only then that it transpired that he is separated from his wife.
They’ve been married for six years, no kids, and had been separated for about three months when we met.
To say I was shocked and disappointed wouldn’t even cover it, but I was already falling for him and he said he’d been afraid to tell me in case I turned him down.
I asked for some space to get my head around things and at first he left me alone and then he called and called and eventually I caved. I don’t want to rain on the parade of separated folk everywhere but there is a reason why they’re ‘separated’ – it’s because they’re not divorced and are still married, and that in itself adds a complicating factor to any new relationship they get involved in.