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I know your advice is: “Walk away and don’t look back. Dear Eileen, I must admit, I’m always surprised when advice that I think is straightforward ends up being confusing for a reader. Walking away is not saying, “Jim, so where is this relationship going? ” or “How come I don’t hear from you during the week? ” Those are all weak attempts to negotiate with him.
Sleep with him when he wants, clear my schedule for him, revolve my life around a guy who doesn’t do that for me, but he “doesn’t want to lose me”, etc. And since, apparently, it’s not you, I’m going to have to say goodbye.
If he follows, you’ll know you’ll have yourself a boyfriend who values you and will follow you to the end of the earth. If he doesn’t, then he’s not all that serious about keeping you in his life, is he? Obviously, that only means one thing: I’m not nearly as good at explaining myself as I thought I was. ”My question is, what is the right way to walk away? I feel like having a break-up talk is close to the same as giving him an ultimatum. So thank you for reminding me to dig deeper, to straighten out the subtle nuances of the concept of walking away. Let’s paint a scenario that should look familiar to most women. And by “seeing” him, I mean that you’ve been sleeping with him approximately once a week since the night you met. He is going to be a great boyfriend and husband for someone. And you know this already because if he wanted to be your boyfriend, he’d already be your boyfriend. (If you’re not doing this, the story STILL holds, so please, stick with me.) You like this guy. The fact that he sees you once a week, doesn’t hang out with you platonically, hasn’t introduced you to his family, hasn’t talked about a future, and only communicates by text tells you everything you need to know. I’m looking for a boyfriend who is open to a long-term relationship with me. And if, by some miniscule chance, you cut off the guy who really wanted to be your boyfriend (even though he gave NO indication of it beforehand), guess what? All you have to say to the noncommittal man – and I’m sure I’ve written this down somewhere before – is this: “It’s been fun hanging out with you for these past few months, but I’m not looking for a once a week fuck buddy. If you’re not settled with a guy by then, he’s ambivalent, he’s using you, and there’s no one else to blame but you.